greengirl PART THREE: spring fling
By Ally Polly
His name was Mike, and he hailed from Indiana. He ‘tweeted ‘ me for a week after I agreed to give him my email. He graciously paid for my afternoon cocktail series at The Oak Bar and was polite enough to listen to my ranting and ravings about my current financial hardships.
Not that I’m accustomed to playing a “ woman in need,” but I do remember someone telling me that men like women who are vulnerable. So I was more than happy to take one for the team. Is tweeting the new version of courting – or the precursor of stalking. Only time will tell.
We were meeting tonight for our first proper date and while I had slid into a seamless “pick-up” scenario (like Derek Jeter rounding third to ‘bring it home’), when it came to the actual day of the date, I was surprisingly nervous. The last time I met a man I really liked (who wasn’t Will) I slipped walking out of a bar where I had met him, fell off the side of the curb and broke my leg in two places. By the time I was scheduled for the surgery to insert screws and a plate in my leg, he had vanished from the Upper East Side. I guess you can only push this vulnerability thing so far.
My girlfriend Joanne, fluent in Italian tales of infidelity, was of no help – having sworn off men. Like a perfectly crafted P.D. James mystery novel, Joanne was busy scheming revenge on her soon-to-be-ex-husband. “Expect nothing,” she advised me between nicotine exhales…My poor jaded Signora.
Mike has never been married. This is either great news, as it will allow us freedom to take long trips or the first of many red flags. He told me he bought a condo upstairs at the new Plaza, since he was “tired of staying in hotels.” And he’d grown accustomed to grabbing a drink downstairs since he “doesn’t like to drink alone.” While I’m not exactly sure where Indiana is, Mike assures me it’s not humid, which means my hair and I will be fine living there for at least part of the year.
I haven’t eaten all day in anticipation of our dinner. And since I’m trying to make it on $20 a day, as recommended by a segment on The Today Show, it’s exciting to think about the endless possibilities for my $40 tomorrow. Unfortunately, I’m putting on the ‘Recession Fifteen’ – it’s just too much to ask to be unemployed and slim at the same time.
Plus it’s kind of hard to buy organic when you’re grocery shopping at Duane Reade. As soon as my co-op board president returns from her second home in Majorca, I’m going to ask if I can plant organic vegetables in front of the apartment building, like Michelle did at The White House.
The buzzer buzzed. Mike was downstairs, right on time. Amazing: a man with good manners, and disposable cash during a recession. I grab my palm kernel oil lip-gloss, my new Motorola cell phone (made entirely from recycled water bottles), down a quick shot of organic Tequila, and head for the elevator.
“ You don’t eat any meat?” he asked me from across the table at La Grenouille. “I didn’t know you were vegetarian.”
“Oh, I just have a lot of food allergies.”
“You New York City girls are cute. You’re all so high maintenance.”
“No I’m not…Not really. I’m just trying to be carbon neutral.”
Mike reached across the table, taking my hand, as he shot me a big, toothy, Indiana smile, “Is that like ‘The Zone?’
Send your questions and comments to greengirl@nugreencity.com
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joanne May 10th, 2009, 3:00 pm
You are hilarious!!!!