Green Girl – Part One: Green Resolve
by Ally Polly
Another year, another birthday… Another evening of self-indulgent revelry, high sodium appetizers, and unnecessary must-have items. The truth is there was nothing I needed.
Hard to admit, even in the privacy of my own home. Except for a stacked washer and dryer set or a Metro-Cardvalid in perpetuity, I was good to go. And so, I decided, while collapsing gift boxes in the incinerator room of my apartment building, that this year would be different. Yes, enough about me and that virtual measuring stick we beat ourselves up with when thinking about where we thought we’d be by now…It can’t be about trying to get it right in love, or losing ten pounds. I can’t even fake-promise myself that I will rebuild my 401k. It was time to be honest about my limitations.
I don’t look good in yellow. I can only do Atkins for an hour a day. And though I have the best intentions, my volunteering gene usually kicks into remission, after that initial burst of feeling grateful subsides. So I guess I can forget about that free cup of Starbucks.
This year, on my birthday, there are far more important needs at hand than those in my 450 square foot life I’ve leased for two years. It’s about time I grew up and started paying attention to them. This is the year I will GO GREEN!
It’s not going to be easy, but I know it will help the planet and maybe even make me a better person.
Buying those new light bulbs was relatively painless, although it made me more than a little nervous to commit to anything with a 15,000-hour lifespan. That’s longer than most marriages. How could I bring this new apparently long staying stranger into my home, without so much as a trial period…or a first date?
Throwing out all my beauty products that contained the word “paraben,” or any of its evil derivatives, was satisfying, even liberating. Of course, I couldn’t part with my Crème de la Mer since the bottle says it’s from the sea, and the price tag says it’s from the glory days of the “Old” economy.
I think I now have the hang of grabbing my 100% organic hemp-infused tote bag (that doubles as a key chain), in case I get the sudden urge to go grocery shopping and need a large receptacle for whatever all that healthy stuff is I see people carrying around.
And last week, I even left my financial advisor an ex-plicit voicemail authorizing him to purchase 500 shares of wind. But still I wanted to do more.
Short of discovering the formula for time-release Botox, I realized the biggest contribution I could make to mankind, was a continued examination of my own life. So instead of succumbing to the lure of rechecking my Body Fat Index, I did the next bravest thing and logged online to take the Carbon Footprint Calculator Quiz.
By answering twenty simple questions, I would learn exactly how badly my selfish habits and I were harming the oblate spheroid we call Planet Earth. I donned a cage-free cotton t-shirt and legging set I’d purchased from a soulful man named Kuma on Waverly Place, downed a quick espresso, and logged on to face the moment of my own inconvenient truth. YIKES!
Is it possible that my callous-free and regularly-pedicured footprint was responsible for emitting 200 grams of carbon into the atmosphere every day? That on an annual basis, 12.56 tons of carbon, spinning high above the West Side Highway, had my name on it? Had my reckless and thoughtless behaviors exhibited the notions of someone who delusionally thought we had 3.15 planets, instead of one? It was all there in black and white – I was a wasteful, ungrateful, planetary slut!
By not unplugging appliances, ordering-in food served in Styrofoam containers, and eating with forks made of plastic, I was merely in the “glutton” territory of wanton consumption. But it was the cumulative effect of throwing away batteries, and last season’s cell phones, and even worse, the gallons of formaldehyde-flavored nail polish I had worn for decades that put my score over the top. And to make matters more dire, I didn’t even buy used books, let alone go paperless. How in God’s name do you accessorize an Amazon Kinder? I never recycled – unless I was on a first date! I was guilty on more eco-fronts than I ever knew existed.
I was a global nightmare, leaving giant carbon footprints with each step of my Laboutin-clad feet. And now with this birthday, that I loathed to admit to anyone not providing a gift, I had to become part of the solution. Fortunately for us all, the promise of change is very much in the air, as I moved toward spring and a new way of living.
I discovered that if I really have to, I can carry around a travel mug for my coffee (as long as no one I know sees me).
And I’m sure my housekeeper will be okay with washing my clothes in warm-cold water instead of boiling hot. I guess I can take the bus and the subway, whenever possible…As long as I’m not really late or wearing those sexy Manolo boots, with the ridiculously high heels that make it impossible to tackle subway stairs. And if I set my mind to it, I can convince myself that Green and Black Organic Chocolate tastes as good as a Twix bar.
I can do this. I WILL do this. My people have overcome worse. Look how long we’ve endured Alternate Side of the Street Parking. I am hearty, determined, and now I will be Green. Quick, someone hand me a promise ring of sod, before I change my mind. I finally vow to do my part to keep the Arctic from having its first ice-free summer.
Send your questions and comments to Ally Polly and Green Girl at: greengirl@nugreencity.com
Popularity: 100% [?]
Miri March 2nd, 2009, 5:09 pm
I just love it!!!!
How many times have I thought/done these things and never dared to admit them?!!!
Thank you Ally Polly!
joanne March 2nd, 2009, 5:25 pm
love it !
hilarious
Leo March 2nd, 2009, 6:31 pm
I sold all my stocks but I’m intrigued by Wind. Can you tell me what you paid for it and how it is doing in this down crash? Great column.
bdp March 3rd, 2009, 5:59 am
GG – well done. I think ‘wind’ will be one of the few stocks actually appreciating this year! kudos on doing your part, we’re all in this together.
xoxo
Jana March 3rd, 2009, 7:50 am
Dear Ally,
Whoa! You and I have so much in common!
Best wishes and remember, YOU CAN DO IT! WE ALL CAN!
Jana
Felix March 3rd, 2009, 11:18 am
Wind ! That is so neat!! Love yr clmn. Mean it.
Oscar March 3rd, 2009, 11:19 am
Wind? No problem. Drink lots of beer. Good column. No sports?
Peter friedman March 4th, 2009, 12:27 pm
Happy belated Birthday!
I think you are awesome!
RBB March 7th, 2009, 10:08 pm
You go, Green Girl!
We know you can do it.
Thanks for the witty inspiration!
cheryl Terrace March 15th, 2009, 1:42 pm
let me know if you need help green girl, been-there-done-that ..eco style before it was chic (is it chic?) .. cheryl terrace…